Talk Dirty To Me
Three different friends with four different perspectives on kink, fetish, and sex, talking dirty to each other. Enjoy personal journeys, stories, confessions, and guest experts on all things "dirty".
Talk Dirty To Me
(RERUN) Sex, Music, and Religion - The Phoenix Rhodes Episode
Musician Phoenix Rhodes talks about her extremely religious upbringing, how it affected her sexual awakening and what it was like to break free. A beautiful discussion on how gospel music is used to role play.
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Well, well, well, go ahead and open up your ears, your mind and whatever else you need. You're listening to Talk Dirty To Me.
Speaker 2:Oh hello, all you sexy beasts out there. Welcome back to Talk Dirty To Me, the podcast where four different friends with four different perspectives on sex, kink and fetish talk dirty to one another. We have a very exciting show to give to you today, but before we do that, I'm going to introduce our four hosts. We have myself, casey Sammy, we have Stephanie Slayton, sarah Marie Curry and Tosen Awu Fesso. Hey yo.
Speaker 2:And our super special show today is that we have a guest for you. We have Phoenix Rhodes on the podcast today. Say hello, phoenix. Hey, thank you guys, so much for having me.
Speaker 5:Thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:Many of us on this podcast know Phoenix. We're very excited to have her. She has a very similar story to Stephanie in that she was brought up very religious. Is that correct? Penis, yeah, penis.
Speaker 4:How about everyone? It's fine, it's fine, oh Penis.
Speaker 2:It's like I just called. Anyways wasn't Venus, it wasn't Penis, it was right in the middle. Anyways on brand on brand.
Speaker 1:Space genitalia.
Speaker 6:Wait, isn't there a name for that? Isn't that like the smegma? No, that's wrong. It's a do what. That's also incorrect? It's a taint. Is that right?
Speaker 2:You're talking about and you're outing yourself.
Speaker 6:What's the thing called in between the butthole and the vagina hole, the taint? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 5:What why?
Speaker 1:We went from Phoenix to Taint. So fast, don't go incredibly fast, you're welcome.
Speaker 6:I don't, I don't know why, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay, we're just going to take a hard left off of that conversation. And where were we? Phoenix Hi, what religion were you brought up in?
Speaker 4:I was brought up in evangelical Christianity.
Speaker 2:Okay, so much. Like Stephanie Tosen, were you also brought up evangelical?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Southern Baptist Coaching Evangelical.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was brought up much more Pentecostal than Stephanie was.
Speaker 6:Can you explain for the non-Christian in the room what's the different? What's the diff? What's the diff?
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay, so I know Stephanie personally and I know kind of how she was brought up and they don't dive so much into like Holy Spirit speaking in tongues kind of that vibe and what I was brought up in was very much like Holy Ghost people falling out in the more physical in church, physical manifestations, if you will, of the Holy Spirit moving.
Speaker 1:Oh, cool or not have you ever seen memes or church jokes about being like you're healed in the Holy Spirit and people running around and shaking and stuff Sure and the gospel.
Speaker 6:Sure okay.
Speaker 4:And Kojic, you get that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sweet, sweet. How did that affect you as an adult when it comes to sex and sexuality and being a woman? Basically, what is your story? Can you tell us your story? I know you have a really good story. I'm trying to figure out how to ask the right questions to get to it.
Speaker 4:I will try. Yeah, yeah, okay. So obviously, being brought up the way I was, I was taught purity culture. I was given a promise ring when I was 13 years old from my parents the only sex talk I had was don't do it and given a ring to wear on my wedding finger.
Speaker 2:They even tell you how like, did they tell you about sex, like what it was? And nope, nope, they just told you not to do it. So they didn't really tell you what not to do, they just told you not to do it.
Speaker 4:Just don't do it. They just they had it's very string awakening Faith that I knew what don't do it meant yeah, no, literally like no talking about it Um other than just don't. And so, you know, I like at 13, I'm giving the ring, I'm told not to do it. All I know is all you know. I grew up a pastor's kid as well, like all pastors, kids got pregnant, all pastors kids. Just, you're going to get caught, you're going to get this, and I have a sibling I saw kind of get caught in that and it affected my parents.
Speaker 6:All pastors kids get pregnant.
Speaker 5:Well, I'm sorry, I know no one in the church. I knew what I knew what she mentioned as soon as she said it. But if you, if you, if you did not grow up going to church, every pastor I ever had their children were like um, I guess problem child is the wrong thing to say, Cause I can only imagine what it was like to be a pastor's kid. But I think, when all eyes are on you at all times, it seems to be that those kids tend to act out. I see, I see.
Speaker 4:And I feel like in the same sense, though, the parents of those kids feel like, oh okay, oh, my children just know. So, like me, I'm just given a ring and told don't do it, and they're just assuming that I'm just, I'm not even going to get anywhere close to that, I don't need to know what don't do it means because I'm just. That's just so far from what I would ever do, and I feel like.
Speaker 2:That's why, yeah, that it will never just creep into your, like this whole aspect of humanity and being a person will just it will orbit around you, but it'll never get close to you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and so I think a lot of, especially females in that position by themselves pregnant because they were never told how to not get pregnant. They were never told what gets pregnant, how it works, yeah, so, okay, so yeah, so that was me. Purity culture, big and through Bible college, all the whole nine, like all of it. And I know I've mentioned this to some of the ladies in the group, but I literally didn't know women could orgasm until I was 17. And I was in theater in my high school and I was. We were in the black box theater and I remember sitting there and these girls were talking about masturbating and orgasming and I'm just like turning inward because I just am like be cool, don't just be cool, just listen. Oh my God, I had no idea. I had always been told in the church world men are sexual creatures. Men have this problem. Men can't control it, men have to release it. Men masturbate. I had never been told women could even masturbate slash. Women could even have an orgasm.
Speaker 2:So wait, at 17 you hadn't had any like urges of your own.
Speaker 4:I like I had kiss boys at that point. I had messed around some at that point, but I didn't, I didn't know.
Speaker 5:There was a finish line.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, I just am like this feels good Things feel tingly down below but I didn't know we could have a finish line, if you will, or something to work towards or not, Mind blown, which then I tried for years, like tried really, and I had, God bless them. I even looking back now I had boys that tried and did well and tried and know what was it that you think was keeping that from happening.
Speaker 4:I think a lot of it. It was really deep, internalized, like To your trauma and fear. And again, in the evangelical world you're told like you save yourself for marriage, right? So even messing around, like there's a part of you when you're brought up in that world that even though like you're into it and you're like shut up that side, no, I don't, it's so deep. And sexuality, especially for women, is so much more mental, I think, than for some people not everyone, I don't want to put that on everyone, but I think for a lot of women it's more mental than men maybe and again, I am just learning in this journey and telling me I'm wrong, but it just I don't know. I want to say I have now I don't know.
Speaker 6:When did you lose your virginity? Was it before marriage, kind?
Speaker 4:of oh okay. I mean yes is the answer to that. And, geez, the only person I've ever told my husband this.
Speaker 6:And also you don't have to. You can be like whoa, too spicy.
Speaker 4:No, um well, I didn't think this would come up. I do really want to, as anonymously as I can, share my journey, because I know there's so many girls in my um from my world, phoenix would you lose your virginity.
Speaker 4:I lost my virginity, um, so, technically I was 20. And it was with a guy that I really trusted. He was a really good friend. But I got so, so drunk, so so drunk and I did myself because I had gotten to the place where I was like this ridiculous. Like on one side I wanted to do this, but on the other side I was like you can't do this right Because of how conditioned I was of like growing up the way I did. And so I got myself so drunk with someone I trusted so much, who was just such a gentleman and so wonderful.
Speaker 4:But I I get it's hard to explain where I know I said yes, I know I consented, I know it happened. I woke up the next morning knowing it happened, but I think my mind and I know my mind blocked out a lot of it. I like I have little flashbacks of it. I like again know I consented 100%. He did not take advantage of me. I went in knowing I wanted to do this in a safe environment with someone I trusted. But my mind because I and I do feel it gets from the trauma of growing up the way I did kind of blacked it out. And I woke up the next morning knowing it had happened. Knowing, I said yes, but didn't remember tons of it, did you know?
Speaker 2:Did you know that you did you get drunk because you knew you were going to do this? And did he know that you guys were going to do this?
Speaker 4:No, he was a close friend, if you will, kind of a, you know, just a safe when we were single, would you know, make out and stuff. Kind of friend and a fellow pastor's kid and a fellow, just very respect he. I just I trusted him and I and I knew if I he had always been waiting for me to say yes and would have loved for me to have said yes many times before. So I knew it all it took me to be like let's keep going and that would have been it Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right, just just for the other young men listening. I do want to make a clarification. This isn't I'm glad that this wasn't traumatizing and that like it's something that you wanted to do and go ahead and do, but, gentlemen, that's still non-consensual. So don't do that, don't, even if they really want to be like. If you really want to, let's do this sober yeah, pretty please.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they should always be sober, because we're in a time and place now where that could get the dude in trouble.
Speaker 4:So you know, and this was over a decade ago at this point, and things have definitely shifted at this point and and he even being a close friend, he even didn't believe that it was my first time until there was evidence throughout that it was my first time, if you know what I'm saying. And even that, like he called me the next day and we had a lovely conversation and he was like I would never have gone there knowing you were drunk but I not thought you had done it before.
Speaker 2:So he didn't. He didn't. He assumed you had done it before. It's not like. You were like no, it's my first time. And he was like no, it's not.
Speaker 4:Right, I didn't say yeah, and I should. I'm, I'm again, I'm.
Speaker 2:I know what. Like you did the best you could at the time, there's no I should have done something or I should have you like. Literally this is what you were capable of in a moment, because it was a huge thing for you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and I'm just like, just I need to take this huge pressure and this huge scary, whatever thing I've been told like I need to.
Speaker 2:just I just yeah, and so was this the first and only time that happened until you were married.
Speaker 4:We quasi did it again another time, again super drunk, and then the only other time I had like full intercourse. I mean I did these other things, but what's up?
Speaker 6:Wait, do you say quasi cause you don't remember, or quasi cause it was like just the tip, that great kind of thing, yeah, like just the tip.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 4:Pull it out, and that's it.
Speaker 5:Okay.
Speaker 4:We're not really doing it, but like we kind of did it, but like you didn't, okay, we'll let you know, One of the great gifts that Christian has given to me is the outer course.
Speaker 1:God bless you.
Speaker 4:God bless you Do you want to know something funny. And even my husband at this point he laughs about it. So when the first time I you know I'm alone with my now husband, I told him because this was my role. I always said one of us has to keep our pants on. You get to choose. That's the stuff. Now. They always would choose. They keep their pants on because you know, but that was just always my role and it that it worked for me.
Speaker 6:Quote unquote not really, but you know, so that's a whole fetish, though or a kink I'm not really sure which word to use there of a man being fully clothed and a woman being fully naked. That's like a whole sub genre, what? Yeah, it's a sub genre.
Speaker 4:I didn't know that, I still did. I'm learning this now. For me it was the. I can't have sex and I don't want to put myself in that position, and it's really hard to have sex if someone has their pants on.
Speaker 6:Well I wonder if it's a chicken or the egg situation Like it hits a lot of kink, like vulnerability and like subdom stuff. But also I wonder, like Stephanie pauses, that a lot of the kinky fetish stuff comes from the Bible in the first place anyway. So maybe that, maybe that sub genre kink got developed because there was a lovely lady one day. That's like my pants are your pants and the gentleman was like oh your pants, you know. And then he was like oh yeah, like that yeah.
Speaker 1:The old, the old testament, is just a, just a movie. Yeah, really.
Speaker 5:It's super, is like like like triple X, rated or no movie. So if they, were to like, take the old testament and turn it into a series.
Speaker 4:Christians wouldn't watch it.
Speaker 5:No, it wouldn't be watchable. Like I wouldn't watch it because it would be so incredibly graphic and rapey and all of the things Incessity. So when you, phoenix, when you got with your now husband, was that a conversation that you guys had early on? That like, did he? He obviously probably didn't have the same issues. Did he grow up in the church like you did, or did he understand where that came from?
Speaker 4:Okay, he was very understanding, very understanding, but coming into it I was even still so. I mean, I had lied about not being a virgin many times before and I at that point technically wasn't, but also I feel like kind of technically was because I never had a like a memorable never fully conscious, yeah, when it happened.
Speaker 4:Yeah, he was the first person I ever felt comfortable in, like really, just like, it's a whole thing like to do that Like. But when we first got together I told them I had had like two or three sexual partners or I can't remember at this point, at this point now in our relationship I've since quote unquote come clean and then like totally lied to you because I was so uncomfortable because you had been in a rock band and were the opposite of my journey and you know, and I had come across guys in the past who I had been honest about being like oh yeah, I'm a virgin and like they just run away, like not, like I don't know what to do with that. I, you know.
Speaker 2:So yeah, Did you have sex with him before you got married? Yes, oh yeah.
Speaker 6:When did you have your first orgasm? Oh yeah, okay, hold on Like how old.
Speaker 2:I want to wait, wait, wait, let's, let's do this fully. I want to rewind what day was it what? Was it.
Speaker 5:What were you wearing? What?
Speaker 2:were you wearing? What did you?
Speaker 5:have for breakfast.
Speaker 6:I wasn't wearing anything. She had her pants off, but the head is on.
Speaker 2:So you said you didn't know that women could have orgasms until you were 17, when you heard other women over talking about it and you heard them. So how did you keep yourself from asking 10,000 questions in that moment and did you go home and immediately start Googling?
Speaker 4:Exactly I was in that moment, was embarrassed and didn't want to come out that I didn't know something like that. You know what I mean, or didn't, and I also was like I don't want to stop the conversation because I feel like I'm learning so much just letting them talk, like I don't want to stop that conversation. You know what I'm saying. And so, yeah, I basically went home and Googled my life away and tried my damnedest, and you went home and you were like I'm going to make this happen for years, and even with boys.
Speaker 4:I don't, I, but I mean, I know everything goes in this podcast. Yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I was going to say so. You were unsuccessful masturbating as well.
Speaker 4:Yes, but definitely was not comfortable buying anything to help me in that process.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Very, very relatable. I was the same way and it wasn't until I got with my now husband where he took me to buy boys like, and I was like in the store having a absolute nervous breakdown of shame. Oh same.
Speaker 4:And my and my now husband knew me so well even early on in our relationship. Like he took me if this makes sense to the Apple store of sex toys, like it was the most. Like modern sleep, you know, like build those weren't just laying around, it was like just like little pedestals with just like a toy on.
Speaker 6:like it was the most store because I've never been to the like, the very Todry like, not the one with the giant, the apple store of like I want to walk in and have like a very nice woman, be like hello.
Speaker 4:I would like to talk to you. It was the most amazing lesbian woman who was just like oh.
Speaker 5:I don't even know. I have to ask him where it was.
Speaker 4:He had Googled the shit out of this was like I don't want to scare her, let me take her to the most like just palpable, easy. And I go. There's just one girl there and she's just so. She was like, hey, I'm just going to tell you, let me just talk, let's just talk. Like she was so, everything was clean, modern, sleek. There's no pictures anywhere. It was just. She was like let me tell you what this does. I didn't speak a word the whole time, to the point where we even left and didn't buy anything. And we get in the car and he goes are you okay? And I just go, I just like shake my head, yeah, and I'm like just need a minute, like I'm just. I didn't say anything because it was just this.
Speaker 2:It's amazing.
Speaker 4:All I had been told growing up sexually from women in my life was from one woman who had waited a long time she said it's not really that great and from another woman. She called it servicing her partner.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God.
Speaker 4:And I knew from just feelings I had as a teenager, encountering male interactions not sex but just touch and kissing and that I didn't Were these women your, your age or older?
Speaker 5:No, older, see, and that's where my heart I kind of figured that. That's where my heart bleeds for older generation women Like I know that coming out or whatever you call it at my age felt like I was even more embarrassed that I waited so long. But I can only imagine you probably do get to a point where that ship sails, or you feel as though that ship sails. So you get into your 40s, 50s, 60s and you have these ultimate desires, whether it be a king or not, just the desire to enjoy sex with your partner. And I know that there's a large crowd out there of women, especially because it's relatable, phoenix, what you're saying is relatable because I grew up in the church as well and I remember hearing that from people and I remember hearing it's just like a duty and it's like what you're supposed to do and you get beautiful children out of it and I was going. That's not what it looks like in the movies, it looks like it feels nice to both people and my heart just goes out to that and makes me sad.
Speaker 6:That's OK, Stephanie, because once they reach the age that they're in retirement homes, they are banging like crazy.
Speaker 5:That's true. That is true, and my dad ran assisted livings for a long time and assisted livings have higher STD rates than the top college campuses.
Speaker 6:Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 5:Because those can Google that folks.
Speaker 6:Because those ladies are like oh, I am going to fuck a lot, and work this out, and my dad would have. Go ahead. Well, my dad would have.
Speaker 5:My dad would have the children of the residents. So adult children, come in and be like. I do not want my mother, I'm having sex.
Speaker 5:Rooming next to this man and they're like, well, we can't tell her. No, that's not how this works. She still has full agency over herself. Like the kids were more upset at their parents being promiscuous, and I think you do get to a certain age where you're just like I don't really know what happens after we die, no matter how much faith I have, and I just need to make sure I get one good sexual experience.
Speaker 1:This is why I think cuckolding is one of the more wholesome kinks.
Speaker 1:Just because I had read a sex story about it once and I've dabbled with writing a few myself. That is like a lot of the reason. I know a lot about it is a lot of cuckolding couples. For people who don't know that's like a woman who is telling their man that they're not satisfying enough for them so they're going to go find another person that they usually call a bull to have sex with. That woman who's called a hot wife, so cucks the actual husband who's not doing it. Well, hot wife's the woman who's looking for something else. A bull's the guy that comes in and do that. That's generally in the porn sphere, black men. So that's why I get a lot of information about cucks and cuckolding and stuff.
Speaker 5:Correct me if I'm wrong, but in a cuckold situation the husband watches.
Speaker 1:yes, yeah, watches or.
Speaker 6:Is in the room.
Speaker 1:The main thing is being demeaned for not being sexually satisfying enough, in whatever way that is.
Speaker 4:And he. I'm sorry, but the husband gets off on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and and here's why I find it to be beautiful In several situations it's been a couple that met in the church. They've gotten older and because the guys who grow up in the church, who don't do the work to like become good at sex, don't get good at it. The women who probably married them that's the only person they have had sex with have been like I, you know, it's OK, right. They get older, they meet people, people talk about it. They hear that like sex can be really amazing. They start swinging, they or have an affair and like they're like I really enjoyed this.
Speaker 1:And it becomes beautiful because the guy who's either like you know, just at the age where he's not performing it that well, but really wants to see his wife be happy, is like yeah, go for it. And then it turns into this like secondary, like enjoyment for themselves of being like this Now I'm able to please my wife, which is again you grow up as a man in a church. That's the whole game. The way that they tell women don't have sex and everything's your fault is the way that they tell men is like if your family and wife are not happy and provided for you failed and so a lot of cockles and couples I get to are like this is me succeeding and pleasing my wife. Finally and it's really pretty when it's pretty, sometimes it's racist, but most of the time it's pretty.
Speaker 6:Oh.
Speaker 4:But you also can't talk about it in the church.
Speaker 5:That's right and like I remember. I feel like I do remember sermons in the church about I mean, obviously they weren't graphic sexual sermons, but I I know that, like at my church, they talked about it as though it was important or an important thing, but again, we were never allowed to talk about it in youth group or to understand the ins and outs of any of it. So it just always felt like the blind leading the blind to me when they would have these, these conversations or these sermons, because I thought it just watching my pastor walk around on stage, I just knew, as even a teenager, that guy doesn't have sex, he doesn't have good sex. I mean, you could just tell it was just it wasn't because of how he looked or how he walked or how he dressed, it was how he talked and how he just was not intelligent.
Speaker 2:Anyway, you could hear the like fear and hesitance in his voice, still from what he's been taught.
Speaker 5:Certainly, certainly, certainly, certainly certainly.
Speaker 1:We were talking about what happened. What were you wearing all of that when you were about to have sex and you said, well, this isn't anything goes podcast and we didn't get back to it. I want to know what that was?
Speaker 4:That was Remind me. Was it like my cognizant time, having sex or not?
Speaker 2:It was with your husband First time having sex with your husband.
Speaker 5:Orgasm we're talking about orgasms? Yeah, we're talking. I think it was like maybe after the sex shop, like after you guys went to the sex shop, I had sex with him before I had orgasm with him.
Speaker 4:It was weird. It was, and I don't know how to explain it. I don't know if it was.
Speaker 6:It was like really tense and then an explosion.
Speaker 4:I had tried really hard on my own and I had guys that even looking back now that I have experienced it, they did all the Like I don't know how it you know what I mean Like I had guys really do well at trying. If you will I don't know if it was this I knew he was my person, kind of thing that even though we weren't married, being raised the way I was raised, finding my person, I was able to turn that wall down or take that that open, unlock that door. I was the act of being married. Oh, I wasn't married when I had my first argument.
Speaker 6:Maybe it was the act of actually telling him about your sexual that when I lied about it. Oh well, ok, he didn't know the truth about it.
Speaker 5:I think I can. I can kind of relate because I would tell myself, Luke and I we obviously had sex before we got married. I would tell myself, well, we're married in the eyes of God, so it's OK. Like that's how I was able to kind of get, get through it, because I was like, oh, I'm not going to, I'm not having sex with anyone else and we're living together, and like this is basically a marriage. We just haven't gone in front of a church or signed a piece of paper.
Speaker 5:Like I remember that needing to be a thought process of mine to like feel good about what I was doing, because I was so worried about the fact that we were not married.
Speaker 5:I remember we met up with some friends of ours down the street who he like now works for, and they were on it. They were asking him to play softball with them, and so I showed up and sat with the ladies at the softball game and I knew they were all from church or from. They all went to church together and they like were like, oh, so you are in Luka together. And I was like, yeah, we're living in sin and it came out of my mouth and like I saw their faces, why? No, I know it. I like I cringe so hard when I when I think about it now because it just was like I knew they were in the church and I was like I can't hide that I'm living with them and so I was like we're living in sin, they're like we don't. They were from a very cool church here in Austin and we don't think that's been. We all live together before we got married and I like went home and I like didn't speak because I was like, let's go.
Speaker 2:That's great. Yeah, we're living in sin. What did you do?
Speaker 5:And I can't even look at my square of myself.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're living in sin I thought I taught you love weights camps, so I have, I have, I have done promise ring ceremonies OK is it that your now husband is a sex God?
Speaker 6:Like I mean he's a rockstar, he, maybe he also, maybe he just like sex. Goded through that boundary.
Speaker 4:I don't want to Bring down his excellence. But I also have been honest with him at this point that like, no, like other guys, like weren't bad, like they, they really like and, and and I think this, now that I think about it, I think there are certain guys that this really comes back to a king gone of. I was the one that they couldn't get off the white whale of the and.
Speaker 4:I kind of one of my like first boyfriend, sexual, like we messed around. Even after he was married he would text me and reach out and he always, when he was in between relationships are going through a bad time, would reach out and it was always. I always had this sense of I was the one that got away, like I would, and he even in the moment would be like I've never not made a girl finish, like like he told me that in the moment, like I got, like he tried so hard, he did a great job, he tried really hard, but I think that was part of an always coming back to me.
Speaker 2:So this has to make them finish. Attitude that men have is terrible.
Speaker 6:Yeah, it's so much pressure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys, you got to stop. You have to stop. A vagina can only take so much.
Speaker 5:OK, I would. I'm going to, I'm going to hop in real quick and say please don't stop trying, stop doing what you're doing, because obviously that's not working. Read a book, learn anatomy and women speak out. Yes.
Speaker 6:Women speak, or stop just verbalizing, like now you come, it's like stop having sex to be about reaching an orgasm.
Speaker 5:I get the opposite. I'm like I get don't come, yet I'm the guy in a relationship. I've been this guy right.
Speaker 1:You know I was like have a perfect record guy. Just it came from a different place for me. But then, like it has to be done. It was like my self worth was built up in that. Like it was like my opportunities for being with women were small and then I felt like if I was not successful, then when that's what I deemed to be success, if I was not successful, they wouldn't talk to me anymore and plus, that's what got me the attention. Like being growing up in the church, being the guy who was known for eating pussy, was like what I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:In the church you were known for that.
Speaker 1:It's OK, so I my church thing. I was your sentence, yeah yeah, my church upbringing is interesting, right. So I went to youth groups that had what I like to call like confession dumping, which was just a bunch of teenagers being horny, telling each other about how horny they were with and then going to church camp together, locking them in rooms with each other and being horny again.
Speaker 1:And then preachers being like, don't be horny, and I'm like, but we're here Horny, and so, and then we're all making the adjustments that we make that are just like OK, well, this doesn't count. Like I was not watching this type of thing and my thing was just like let me show you in the name of Jesus in the name of Jesus.
Speaker 1:It doesn't. It's not a sin if I don't come right. So which is what I told myself, which is now a kink of mine and or part of the problem? But back to the. That whole finished mindset is like yeah, one a thing that has been very useful for me is not thinking that making someone orgasm is a length is a single language. You're learning a new dialect with every person, right.
Speaker 4:My husband calls it learning a new instrument. I was really good at violin with my last relationship and now I need to learn the clarinet.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is the better than mine, because it's like you have. You have a certain set of skill sets that come with it, because, like, that's perfect, yeah, like you know the basic, you know what 12 notes to use, but you got to play different melodies on every single one different timbre.
Speaker 4:How many buttons does this?
Speaker 6:one have Different figuring.
Speaker 1:Hey, yeah, New embouchures, new pressures, new locations to put stuff.
Speaker 4:Mouth positioning.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Let's take this metaphor.
Speaker 6:The kids are always still sexual, yeah, well this.
Speaker 1:This is why I think musicians are good at sex in general, because they are constantly doing this dichotomy of physical details to emotions all the time. Everything they're doing musically is like I'm constantly. I have built into my fingers the like ability to do, make and feel emotions, and I know what mathematically, scientifically and emotionally all at once which is useful for making sex making the love sex. But I.
Speaker 4:I would. I really want to share this story just because I feel like I wish other people knew this. Ok, so I am the senior, this is before even new women could orgasm, but I knew men did and it's my job to dress appropriately and not be, you know, any kind of hardship on them and I'm at church camp on the beach. I'm in beach church camp in my one piece because we have to get our one piece is checked off before we go to beach camp. How old are you at?
Speaker 4:beach camp, I would have been probably 14. And you?
Speaker 5:have to get your one piece swimsuit checked off.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Wow.
Speaker 4:We had to wear the equivalent of I'm an Olympic swimmer, speedo, cover, all the things, all of it. Not cute, just. And then boys just get to wear shorts and take their shirts off. Ok, so I'm in the ocean, I'm 14. I'm with one of our quote unquote youth group leaders who's a senior in high school, he's 18. But he's like respected as a leader in the youth group and we are like out in the waves with this boy from a different church, from a totally different state, and I'm just listening and this boy is asking the leader in my youth group, who is also a teenager but man, like I really want to masturbate, like and I'm just listening, I'm just like. I'm just like frozen like be cool, be cool.
Speaker 4:And we're in the ocean. And the leader in my youth group said man, it's totally natural. It's totally natural, do it as long as you are not lusting after anyone else. You just internalize it and make it a physical thing. It's OK. What?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's the line that is some.
Speaker 4:But that is something that 15 years, like 16, 17 years later I struggle with because at such a pivotal point in my sexual journey, like early in my sexual journey and in my upbringing, I was like, oh OK, so like, if you have, if you match and at that point I didn't know when it could masturbate. But when I did learn they could masturbate, I applied that to it. I was like, ok, try as hard as you can, but just internalize it, just think about your feelings. Or if you can't think about someone else, because then you're lusting, then you're thinking of someone else's husband, then you're sinning. If you just keep it as a turn your brain off thing, you'll be OK, it's not a sin. And that's something that I still. I am still.
Speaker 4:I've been in therapy, still in struggling to like turn off in my brain. My husband jokes. He's like like he even jokes. He like tries to make things I could fantasize about. He's like please, please, fantasize about something. And I'm like I would love to. That sounds great and it's just really something I struggle with because that story hit me so hard at such a weird age in the environment I was brought up in.
Speaker 6:Do you read erotica?
Speaker 1:I was about to be like I'm going to have to write you up on Phoenix.
Speaker 4:So my my first.
Speaker 6:All of us are going to send you so many uncomfortable things now.
Speaker 4:As a teenager, my first experience of ever like feeling turned on was by myself reading erotica.
Speaker 6:OK.
Speaker 4:And I knew that was possible, right. So that was great and lovely. And even then, like I know that story to this day, like I know that first story, I was just gonna ask do you remember what happened in the story?
Speaker 5:Do you wanna say you don't have to say?
Speaker 4:I do. I will. It's cool, I'm a random person. It was a story of girl breaks down on the side of the road. Guy comes to save her and again I'm a young teenager at this point. Guy comes to save her Super consensual, but also like kind of Forceful. Forceful but like in, like a consensual way, and then you're doing it in the car, uh-huh, okay, and that was like the first thing and like she was like into it the whole time. But he took control. And again growing up, feeling like I never knew anything and I had to always rely on the guys knowing things, the guy taking control was always what I relied on, like well, they're gonna know what to do, right, and he's not going to be a virgin when we get married. Well, they're going to teach me things. Well, they're gonna.
Speaker 6:They're going to take care of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:And something I've talked about with other Christian friends of mine. One thing that we have in common is that our spout, we've found ourselves in situations where, at one time or another, our spells have said like I wish you would initiate sex.
Speaker 5:That's my, my qualms, and for me I would be, and it's certainly an idea of rejection, is the fear there, but it's because your whole childhood and growing up, all I've been, all I was ever told, is like you do not call a boy boy, you certainly don't make the first move, you certainly you. That was like something you just don't do for sheer of like.
Speaker 4:If your morning shut it down, you shut it down. You don't go ask for sex. You shut it down Because you have to, because you have to be the virgin.
Speaker 1:The boy doesn't, but you have to, Right right, yep, I was going to add on, because they also are like men are incompetent in the ways of resistance and dealing with their own sexuality.
Speaker 2:I would also. It's kind of off topic, but I just want to say that, also living in a world where some who are in more than one relationship somebody has asked me to initiate more, the other side of that story is they initiate so much it doesn't need space Anybody else to initiate. And they're like why don't you initiate? And I'm like I don't have to.
Speaker 2:You're a horny every 40 seconds Because if you want me to initiate, you have to chill out long enough for me to be like okay, let's do this now and then initiate. And then there were two times in the last relationship where this happened to, where I was like oh, I can initiate now, and both times he was like I don't feel like it.
Speaker 6:Well, and your initiation. Jail looks different than his initiation right, Like because of spontaneous arousal versus the other one that I can never remember.
Speaker 4:Responsive.
Speaker 6:Responsive. Thank you, right. Like my like being like hey, I wonder if huh is different than his. So I've probably been initiating the whole time. Mister, I don't know who I'm yelling at. I'm yelling at a pretend person. I also said something disparaging about boys earlier and I don't want it tied back to my husband, meaning that is not from direct experience and I don't know what it is or what I said, but I put a pin in it and then I promptly forgot about it.
Speaker 1:If they've been listening to the podcast, we know your husband's top tier.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good, good, good good.
Speaker 4:That's just mine.
Speaker 6:I hope. I hope my mind's not a sex God, but he is a really good singer, so it's private. It's private.
Speaker 2:It's private.
Speaker 1:It's private. That's disparaging Phoenix. Did you get the rose talk?
Speaker 4:I did. Oh yes, oh yeah. You are a flower passed around and you don't want to be crumpled up when you get to your husband and oh, I mean, I had-. Who's gonna?
Speaker 5:want the flower now.
Speaker 4:When I was giving my promise ring, it was a red stone and I was given the talk of let this be a reminder. Look down at your finger that this is a stop sign, and also look down and remember the blood of Jesus.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Speaker 4:I still have this ring. I don't wear it. I still have this ring.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 6:I thought that they were gonna talk about menstrual blood or something. No, that was my sex talk.
Speaker 5:I would have preferred that in the blood of Christ.
Speaker 4:I remember too, like even like I was so grateful to have like a mom who was like okay with tampons and like that might be crazy, but like in the evangelical world that's a thing like anything going up there is lose the opportunity.
Speaker 6:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And my mom was like- Some people that are so religious that they don't wear tampons because they think it's penetration and it's 100% A million percent, crazy yeah.
Speaker 4:A million percent.
Speaker 2:I have to believe in it.
Speaker 4:Let that sink in. I literally let's like, leave us. I was like I was the underground railroad of tampons in the Christian world. I was like, let me teach you, take my advice more. Let me show you you can go to that pool party, girlfriend, I'd rock you. Wow, I at least had that going for me. But like, even then, like there was just zero talk. Zero talk about anything other than look at that red stone on your finger and it's a stop sign and it's the blood of Jesus.
Speaker 6:Yeah, but like where's the intersection and how fast are you going? Like they didn't give you any other traffic instructions at all, yeah just stop.
Speaker 1:This is unsound driving advice.
Speaker 6:Yeah, it's bad.
Speaker 5:It's literally the worst, like it really is a it's. I have religious trauma, but I did have parents that spoke to me about sex, and so I'm really grateful for that. I don't know what I would have done had I not had that even that small of a roadmap. Like my heart really does go out to you and anybody in that situation, because that's I know so many. I mean. This is the weird thing is this is not a singular story. This is so many people's story and it's so many women's story Because, again, I think even the most religious boys out there their dad at some point leans over and talks about a playboy or talks about masturbation in general.
Speaker 5:No, I know that my parents talked to me about sex. Not one person said one thing to me about masturbation, and so every single time it happened, I literally just prayed for forgiveness afterwards because I was like, oh, I know I just did something really wrong and then I felt gross and I felt like scared to be like around my family. I was like my parents are gonna know like it's gonna be like written all over me like a scarlet letter.
Speaker 5:And that's like the lack of knowledge and the lack of educating your children really sets them up for in my opinion, sets them up for a rough road when it even is the right time to have sex. Like, let's say, you do follow all of the rules and you wait till the day that you get married to have sex. Do you think you're gonna have a good sex life if you know nothing about it? Like that's the most unrealistic, but that's what they sell you.
Speaker 6:They sell you 100%, Yep.
Speaker 4:And I will say and I have to give it this if two people grew up in a box and had no outside, they had no screens, no magazines, no stories, no internet, no everything. They're just two people grow up in a box and they get to explore their sexuality together, that's a beautiful idea, 100%. I'm here for that. I don't want to. I'm not gonna make anyone grow up in a box, but I'm just saying I feel like that's what Christianity tries to sell is that two people have nothing and no knowledge and no preconceived ideas, and they're just gonna go into marriage and it's gonna be this beautiful moment and they're gonna learn together and melding and growing their sexuality, but that's not realistic.
Speaker 2:Especially at the day, they'll feel awkward and dry.
Speaker 4:Well, and someone's gonna know something that other one doesn't know. Yeah, from a movie, from a story, from a friend.
Speaker 5:Or someone's gonna have a kink, and since they were four and go, I don't know where this fits into any of this shit.
Speaker 4:So and that's where I just feel like. That's where I feel like it's, I mean, so many ways the church lets us down in this world, but that's where I feel like there's never been an open conversation and why I was like, so apt to like. I want to be on this because I am trying to grow from my experience, I am trying to learn, and you guys have created such a comfortable platform of literally just talking about your kinks, talking about your sex life, and it's so amazing and it's so needed, especially from the world I grew up in, because no one in my world does it and someone needs to hear somebody making it okay, and someone needs to hear someone going yeah, and I have a job and I'm like a normal person, but I also want to do X, y and Z and it's cool.
Speaker 6:Thank you for one. Feeling like this is a safe environment, cause. That's what we've been fostering so so aggressively, violently fostering safety and comfort. I sincerely hope that there are people that there's some 14 year old girl who's like, oh my gosh, there's this podcast called Talk Dirty to Me, oh, and then they end up listening to it and learning and then having amazing sex.
Speaker 2:The whole life.
Speaker 6:Yeah, when they're old, I had to prop when they're ready for it.
Speaker 4:When they're ready for it there it is there are no proper it's just when they're ready, right.
Speaker 5:And that was my one fear is, when we had decided to call this talk dirty to me, I thought, oh, it's gonna like it sounds like all we're talking about on here is like dirty things, when I think that's kind of. The beauty of it is this is dirty, this is dirty to a lot of people out there, but the beauty of it is that it shouldn't be at least I don't think it should be, especially when the majority of us here are coupled. We are with somebody and like, whether you are or not cause I certainly don't feel like you have to be married when you have sex.
Speaker 2:In fact, I don't think that at all. That was for me.
Speaker 5:Everybody Stephanie said that, for me no no, I was actually backtracking because I don't want anyone out there thinking I'm on the side of like you should only have this with someone you love.
Speaker 5:I think you can have excellent sex with someone that you don't love, but the point of it is is that we are having conversations that I've come across with so many other people who they feel like they're the only ones that have experienced that, and there's a whole vast world of people out there experiencing the same thing and feeling lonely and feeling like they don't know where to turn or they don't know what to do or how to bring it up to their spouse. Because there also is the Christian couple out there who's 22, who they get married right out of college and they do want to make it work, but they're stuck and they don't know what to do. And if they try something outside the box, is that a sin? And I think that's why I still try to be careful of like bashing the hell out of church, because it is a lot of my roots and I also know the people that are there and so many of them are really lovely and I deserve to have a wonderful sex life.
Speaker 4:That's all I'll say, and that's my thing I said, mike, and I think that's why I asked for my an anemone.
Speaker 6:An anemone, an anemone, an anemone, an anemone.
Speaker 4:Is because I definitely have a lot of close people in my life in that world, and I am the one that no, I'm the crazy liberal one, but I also, at the same time, I want to find a way, even though I've kind of walked away from that world, like, how do I? All in all that's why I wanted to share my story was? There's that girl that is looking for podcasts, that is looking for someone with her story. That's looking for someone saying I didn't know you could work as until I was 18 years old. That's looking for someone saying I still can't fantasize and I feel like I'm broken and I feel like something's wrong with me because I can't get turned on by just thinking about something else. However, if I do, it's over and I can't transition that into the bedroom.
Speaker 4:I am that person that's walking through my sexual journey from such stripped sexual ideologies growing up. I just want them to know. I mean and I'll say this out loud I can't wait for the day to be like I don't think my mom's ever had a vibrator in her life and I'm like how do I bring that up one day? I want to bring that up one day.
Speaker 6:I don't know how to bring that up.
Speaker 4:One day, christmas gift, perfect time, I know I never thought there was, but it's just something as simple as that of like. There is this, even like. Let's paint this picture within the church evangelical world of like you're supposed to be this lion sex goddess when you get married because that's what they tell you you can't have sex, pretty, get married. But when you get married, just like, everything's going to be gray and you're just going to like, wear the things and do the stuff and be this like goddess, like that's what they just sell you, right? Like everything.
Speaker 4:If you wait, it's going to be worth it. You know what I mean, but at the same time I didn't even know vibrators were a thing. Yes, I mean after I got with my husband, like I just want to be like okay, but like y'all know, there are things you can use to help you. There are things that, even in the marital bed, most women need clitoral stimulation, stimulation, stimulation, thank you To achieve orgasm, like something that even see a lion in the bedroom. Never talked about sex toys. Why aren't we talking about sex toys in church? Right Women's conference setting? It's all women. Men aren't there. How is that never brought up?
Speaker 5:Not to mention there's a huge percentage of women whose bodies cannot have an orgasm with just a male's penis inside of them. They need something else. Why is that not talked about? Talk about a husband feeling like he's letting their spouse down every single time when really she's going oh this is my body, is this isn't? You're not doing it right for me? I mean, you're doing it the way that novice books on sex say to do it. But, like, sex is so many different things and achieving an orgasm means so many different things for so many different people and it looks different for different people. And I did want to ask Phoenix, did you so? You didn't buy a toy the first time you went?
Speaker 6:Did you go back? And buy a toy yeah.
Speaker 5:Did you ever go back At the Apple store?
Speaker 4:No, he, he bought me a toy online afterwards. So we leave the Apple store of sex toys, we don't buy anything because he's like I don't. You know, I just needed to bring her here to like open this world. He buys me a sex toy. It gets delivered to his house. The next time I come to visit, he gives it. He gives it to me Un-opened In the box. In the box and he says I want you to, and we weren't. I was living in a different city at the time. He was like I'm not opening this, we're not opening this. I want you to take this home and I want you to use it, not use it, throw it away. I mean, he was just so perfect about it knowing by bringing it.
Speaker 4:And I went home and I I feel like I kind of achieved like a shitty one by myself with the prop, with the toy. But there's no way like in a sexual encounter in that place in my life I would have ever been like bring it on. Yeah, open the box. Like he was so smart to be like we're not opening it, we're just going to get home with you, throw it away, I don't care.
Speaker 4:And I took it home and I so I guess, yes, my first orgasm was by myself, but with assistance, but with assistance I didn't know existed.
Speaker 6:But when was your first like orgasm and did it blow your mind and vagina?
Speaker 2:That's putting too much pressure on an orgasm.
Speaker 4:Smc, oh no no, no, no, I, I, I feel like or was it like a slowly building like the?
Speaker 6:your first orgasm was like shitty orgasm shitty being not an operative word in orgasm but like it got better and better each time. Like tell me the journey of the orgasm.
Speaker 4:Yeah, no, definitely it's gotten better over the years. Like that first time with a partner, it was just kind of like you know, you're going up with them out and and then I feel like the best way to explain it is like I got to the tip of the mountain and like just took a step over and then got just so excited.
Speaker 4:That didn't happen but like nothing else could happen. It was the journey's over. This is achievable with another human being. So, so my mind just went like out from there. So no, it's definitely grown since then. And like Because it's. It's still something that I, like Google and my they're early thirties of like how to make this better, how, like because there there is this, there is this thing built into you, growing up the way we did of like oh I, I still feel like I'm not experiencing things the way I should. I still have this guilt of you aren't. You aren't experienced experiencing sex in its fullness. You aren't experiencing yourself in its fullness, because you're still guarded, you're still locked off, even though I have walked away from my all media is a lying liar about that.
Speaker 6:Anyway, I was finally watching some passion flicks, which was my homework, from, I'm pretty sure, episode one or two and this. There was this like beautiful movie. It happens in like 90% of these movies on passion flicks. There's that moment where the, the gentleman, and the lady, are making up the love and he is kissing on her neck and then he like kisses all the way down to go to downtown on her neck and her, like her back, does like a yoga move that Casey probably knows, like a whole inverted, like she inverts I don't know how, but she like rises, like she's getting like Kali Ma, like her heart is being removed from her chest, like the exorcism she's still the sex demon, okay.
Speaker 2:And like vagina just rises to meet his mouth.
Speaker 6:The second. The second that it is clear. The second that his mouth descends upon her in even the nearest of breath. She is like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like is this what it's telling me? This should feel like Right, that's not not bad bad advertising. Passion flicks Like I get you're, you're getting better at like showing like oh, this is how a woman gets turned on versus how a man gets turned on. But that's not accurate either and it's making me feel bad, you fuckers. Yeah, and also I'd like to say for the record and then I promise I'll shut up when I said earlier that Brian was a good singer, I now realized that we were correlating his ability to sing with the instrumentation prowess of feeding his.
Speaker 6:God husband. And I would like to say for the record that in the analogy, my husband is a multi instrumentalist there. Okay, now I'm done, I'm done, I'm done.
Speaker 5:And each episode, SMC has given us just a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more. I know it's great, I'm so here for it. No, that's still private.
Speaker 6:She gave us a graphic description of her orgasms earlier. Did I, that's true, how I mean like in a, in a tent? And then an explosion.
Speaker 2:Don't bring it up or she'll make us edit it out. That's not. That's not my orgasm.
Speaker 6:You don't know me. Margaret's a private, they're private.
Speaker 2:Do you guys remember in high school when you heard that if you had sex with lots of different men, your vagina would get loose? Right yeah, that was a no right.
Speaker 4:Because we didn't have sex with lots of men.
Speaker 2:So that was like if you were a slut, you were loose, you were loose, and then that's what's good. But, what is? That's just like patriarchy to the max, because what but you can? You can get married to a man and have X thousands of times, and your vagina will remain intact and very tight. What kind of?
Speaker 6:garbage is that, unless you're thinking, who are thoughts, and then it gets loose.
Speaker 4:What was your intent? Is what she's asking. Were you in a good relationship or were you in a simple relationship, because one opens your vagina more than the other, apparently? Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:I just wanted to say that for any other young women out there who are repeating that hypocrisy around school, thinking that their vagina is going to be ruined if they have sex with multiple people From someone, who has children, and from someone who's married to a man who has sex with, who has had sex with women, who has had children and not had children.
Speaker 4:That's the only difference. It's not if you've had sex before, have you pushed a baby out there before? That's the only difference I've ever heard.
Speaker 2:My other thing I wanted to say in regards to waiting until you meet the right one is that I think there's myself included many people who haven't had experiences of being in a relationship with someone and it being great and you waiting a long time to do something and you do that thing and you're just incompatible. You're incompatible not only just because you're incompatible, but also there's DNA and hormonal and physical things happening inside your body that allow you to couple well and not couple well with someone. Sometimes you get to that state and there are natural, normal things that occur that repel two people because they wouldn't make good babies together. Waiting until you get married to have your evolutionary what's the word? I want To have your biological imperative your biological imperative.
Speaker 2:Thank you To have your biological imperative tell you that this is not the one is tragic.
Speaker 5:Oh, it's a big ol' risk. Like that's a risky little game.
Speaker 1:This is why I think we should stop calling the sex that church pedals vanilla. It should be a kink, because it sounds kinky. It sounds monotony should be a kink. Waiting forever into the corner and then like taking a guess on two people having sex with each other that's some kinky shit. That's wild. That's that's some strangers in the park.
Speaker 4:I just want to comment on that of like. I totally hear you feel you love it. Oh, my God, when I first, when I was going through that journey of like, having sex with my husband for the first time who wasn't my husband at the time and it was the first time I had had a sexual encounter that my gut, soul I don't know what you want to call it didn't feel bad about. I don't know how to explain that from someone who has quote unquote deconstructed, from someone who has quote unquote, like not walked away from spirituality I still am very much a spiritual person but from the event open church, for sure there is something that especially being brought up the way I was there I don't know how to make this sound not cheesy he was the first person I just had this like soul connection, oh, like I felt good with.
Speaker 4:I felt not like this felt right with and other times had felt good physically but I would always feel bad mentally and he was the first person that didn't feel bad, even pre marriage, in my gut and at that time I was still leaving worship and like very much in the church and I remember having lunch with a friend being like I don't know what to do with this. Every other sexual encounter I've ever had in my life I felt guilty about it, felt good in the moment, but I always leave feeling guilty about it. I wake up the next day feeling guilty about it and this is the first time I don't feel guilty about it and I'm not married. What is that? I don't. I'm my mind's blown.
Speaker 1:This is, that's my whole church, because I was, I'm queer and so my sex struggle when I was going through church was like I want to suck dicks and like there's, you don't, there's no way to say anything about it.
Speaker 4:The church there's no level of that being okay.
Speaker 1:I was like, no, don't, don't go. Yeah, being queer, a black man in the church that's the lead worship musician like can't do it. What I, what I realized, is a journey that went on for a long time, is like transitioning from every sexual desire that I have being challenged by the word of God to I'm allowed to be present here and enjoy what's happening, because it was always a battle of like this moment feels good enough that I can turn off all of the church stuff, but as soon as I climax or the moment is over, this is the church stuff has been screaming the whole time, and so then I'm, then I got the whole rest of the day, the week. For me it was I need to run back to some type of sexual experience so that I can silence this guilt, and I need it to be silent so that I can perform church later because I'm I was deep in it.
Speaker 1:I was like the path of me that was like the church part of me was trying to pay for all of the horny stuff I was doing. So I was like be youth pastor, teach youth camps, through all these things, and so the what I, what I realized, is like why that feels so good to make that soul connection to be like. I am here present enjoying this, because this is a beautiful thing that human beings should be doing and and it is holy God intended it to be this way built my body this way to feel these way about these things when they enter into my soul and connecting with a person that way.
Speaker 2:It's such a slut y'all.
Speaker 1:It's kind of wasn't a slut, he wouldn't make so many goddamn things feel good. Ok, listen to me.
Speaker 2:God knows God's like guys. I'm going to give you some holes and they're going to be awesome.
Speaker 4:And like a lot of them.
Speaker 1:And that's why I like music so much, because it was one of the only things that competed with horny, which is why I've always made the conclusion. I was like this really has to be about connection and expression and all of that because I can play piano enough to like satisfy myself, and that was one of the things that started making me exit and being like because all the biblical stuff about why not to do this is wrong.
Speaker 4:Can I tell you my mind blowing experience of that? I grew up. I'm a musician and I grew up very much in that world and I grew up very much where, like the music portion of church was where you were emotional, where you could let go, where you could physically cry, lift your hands, jump, clap, move your body, release things that now I know are just things your body needs to do. But the first thing that blew my fucking mind was I was in an acting class and this is going to sound absolutely insane, and Stephanie knows when I'm talking about. I was in an acting class and we had this. She was there. We had this crazy night called Dancing Underpants Night. Now, I was not in a bra and panties, it was think Tom Cruise and a like giant T-shirt.
Speaker 5:It was basically just wear clothes where your body can move.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but like you're not in jeans, you know, like you're a little bit like you know and pick whatever yeah, risk keeping things. Pick whatever song you want and you get in front of your class and this was like a year long intensive. So you're in front of people you've been around all year. You get up in front of the class and the song you picked plays and you're supposed to dance like no one's watching and the coach is going to make you continue to play the song until she feels like till. They feel like till. He feels like you, legitimately, are moving and have a let go in a way that no one's watching. And I knew this night was coming. I come prepared, I have a jam. I'm like, yes, I have a button up for my now husband. I'm like, yeah, and I get in front and I do the experiment, the exercise, and I sit down. I can't stop crying for like three hours because it was the first time in my life that I ever had like an emotional spiritual encounter moment.
Speaker 4:Experience. Thank you, that wasn't at an altar and it blew my fucking mind.
Speaker 5:And it was so interesting to watch as an outsider because I did not know Phoenix very well at this point. I mean, we knew each other for sure, but we were really new in a friendship and everybody picked. When the song they told you to pick was the song that, like, what is the song that pumps you up? What is your? What is the song that, just like it comes on and you can't not move your body and so you watch person after person go up and there is a little bit of nervousness of just acting silly, like it's not good dance moves. It's clearly like jumping around and just feeling like the song Right if you don't.
Speaker 5:And so you've seen people go up and it is purulation. It was like watching something overcome somebody, and it wasn't until learning about her later on that I really understood that moment to be something so much more for her and it was really. It's really one of my favorite memories, looking back, of that particular acting experience, because it wasn't always great. That was something where I watched a person who was used to being really perfect and good at everything and she was great at this too, but I watched her let go and not give a flying about what anybody thought of her or it just felt good to her from head to toe, felt good and it was an emotional journey for her and a really beautiful one to watch.
Speaker 1:This is perfect, because one of the things I wanted to say to you earlier because you were talking about like going on a journey and transitioning from like how do I fantasize, how do I get past this block and I was trying to do the same thing and it was going about it, at least for me. I think it's gonna work the same way because you're a musician and you might get it Please, please I was going about it backwards trying to do that. But can you all hear this?
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you've grown up the whole time with the tools to let your body experience all of those fantasies the whole time.
Speaker 4:Oh, I've led congregations to do that.
Speaker 1:And so the whole process of fantasizing, enjoying being present, all of the ways that you can explore it is all the same mechanisms of leading worship and being in worship in general. You can have sex like and putting those two together for me where I was like, putting those two together for me where I was like, oh it's all the same thing, where, literally, like, I am going through all of the same processes of intercessory prayer and worshiping and leading worship and letting myself go to the like hands of God and the Holy Ghost while I'm eating, somebody out came changing okay.
Speaker 4:But it's all spiritual, it's all coming from that same. Sorry I'm.
Speaker 2:Came, please. Yeah, we got you girl, we got you.
Speaker 1:I have musically pushed people to changing their lives over and over and over and over and over and, like I know it, scientifically and emotionally. And I just wasn't applying the same thing to myself because the church said for so long this is a form of connection you're not allowed to have with people. This is not a form of connection you're allowed to experience, which really was just old men trying to deal with their own horny and like just it didn't make sense. But it was like, if I think about one biblically doesn't make sense. There's no like biblical standpoint for all this. And if I think about, like everything good that I got from going from church, the relationship that I grew up and fostered and worked on spiritually, there is no way that that God does not want to be having the sex I'm having now. There's no way, seriously, they would. They have to be up there being like, what the fuck have you been waiting for? You guys didn't hear not doing butts about the whole time. What do you think I gave you a butt for?
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. Can we go back to orgasms for a minute?
Speaker 6:Great, good segue. I have many different kinds of them and I'm not going to tell you about any of them because it's pilot.
Speaker 2:Okay, great. So when you were friendly, able to have orgasms, can you have internal orgasms?
Speaker 4:Can you clarify?
Speaker 2:that question From penetration.
Speaker 4:No, I have never just had a penis in vagina. No clitoral thing happening for orgasm.
Speaker 6:On the movies I've watched. When the man inserts his penis into your vagina, you're supposed to have an exorcism.
Speaker 4:You immediately have.
Speaker 6:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Can I just also say, like when the movies show childbirth, it's nothing like childbirth.
Speaker 5:From someone who has two children three, four, five children.
Speaker 4:I don't know. We'll just find out how many children I have at the end of this. No, it's not a thing, it's not real life, and after having kids, I kind of equate it to that. Oh well, of course they're implementing fast tracking this process because we don't have enough time to show you the reality of it.
Speaker 1:This night in this 90 minute film, yeah, Also, people would stop having babies A lot of people.
Speaker 2:True fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:All of it, all of it, all of it. But yeah, no, that sounds great yeah.
Speaker 2:I agree, you know, I spent a long time thinking that I don't know, I spent a long time thinking that I was broken because I can't do that, and I was. You know, society shows you that that's exactly all that sex is, because it's all like in movies all you see is a man going into a woman and her writhing in pleasure and then everybody orgasming at the same time. So I, you know, even though I think I hadn't been affected by porn and sex and films and stuff, it took me till now 39 to be like oh, I totally was. I spent a long time thinking that I was broken and I had a problem and only recently was like oh, no, no, what's going on is, by and large, men are very bad at sex and foreplay and have no idea how women's bodies work and my body is totally normal and this is normal, and men are bad at sex and don't care.
Speaker 1:You were saying that you're at the beginning of exploring the journey of your sex. How can fantasies and things that you want, anything looking sparkly to you, phoenix, that you want to try out, or thought about trying out? Because I also consider myself like a pink whisperer. I feel pretty good about like guessing what people would be into, so I would like to see if my inside thoughts were right.
Speaker 4:Tell me any insight thoughts you have.
Speaker 4:I mean me and a therapist have talked multiple times. It's like, even like I've been open to my husband like oh, the first time I experienced getting wet or the first time like you know, like the first couple of stories I read that like are still in my brain because it was that like first sexual like manifestation that happened in my life when I've tried to like implement that into the bedroom. I do still feel so broken up, like not being able to do that and he's tried so hard to like be so sweet of like I mean he even jokes at some point. He's like I'm sorry, but like how? Like I almost feel like it's not okay that you don't think about anything, that you have to just go inside, and I totally feel that and I am struggling with trying to break outside of that and even like again talk to therapists about it. But like he's like I mean like you don't think about anything. I'm like no, because that was the only way I told was okay to have a sexual feeling and I might be.
Speaker 2:This might be 100% wrong, so you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I took a Tantra course at one point with this lovely woman who was very good at Tantra and sex and things and being open and being comfortable, and I took this course by myself and one of the things I remember from her course was her work with people to get to a place of to being able to have sexual pleasure and orgasms without fantasizing about something else outside of being with yourself and going inside and being and just allowing the feelings to happen, to be. Well, I'm there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying, like you might have like skipped five steps and like the fact that you don't have to think about like to this kissing or two girls kissing or like whatever it is that people fantasize about. You don't have to have that to to help you climax, or whatever you are, you just in the moment. I wouldn't call you, I wouldn't by any means say that you're going inside in like an empty fashion, like think of your cup as already overflowing, because that's magical and there's a lot of people that can't do that. And I remember one of the things she said that I, to this day, still try to do. She's like, instead of you know going to that place and you always go in order to get off, start imagining like you're being fucked by a star or whatever.
Speaker 2:Like just like a star in the sky, the cosmic, like cosmic leg of a star is coming down and entering you and filling you with like erotic energy and it's amazing and I would love to be able to do that. I think that sounds magical. So you're thinking just like way closer to being able to be fucked by a star than most other people.
Speaker 4:I've never heard that perspective at all and I'm like holding back tears and thank you so much from someone who thinks she's broken. That's such a different, beautiful, and that's why I've just been like so as a friend of of. Stephanie is just so like.
Speaker 5:Alex is actually the first person I told about my kink and as someone who looked up to her in the evangelical world and and I was nervous and talk about true Christian style, like just the true embodiment of loving and accepting and like on board to like help me, research and like so kind and I didn't feel alone in that moment and it was so loving. So that's why I can't cross Christians out, because, at the end of the day, what we are taught if if you do take anything away from the teachings of Jesus or whatever is that you aren't supposed to judge anybody and you're supposed to judge everybody for who they are. And that's something she does Holy inside and out.
Speaker 6:I.
Speaker 6:I have met many wonderful followers of Christ who have been such a wonderful example about that exact thing, like the people that get it on that level, get it on that level and are the most inspiring people Like, like anyone in any spiritual practice that gets there.
Speaker 6:You know, even in any different flavor of religion or spiritual practice, there's always people that are like, and then there's people that are quietly being badass. But I will say Phoenix, the reason that I mentioned books is because, in not to go into too much detail because it is private, but in a lot of my recovery as a human being and as a sexual being, reading books and reading other people's stories it's not necessarily to get turned on, just to experience other human beings being sexual and it not being a traumatic experience was incredibly healing to me. To just be like oh, I'm not exactly what you are articulating, I'm not alone, it's safe and okay to be a sexual creature, it's not threatening, and so I'm going to send you a book recommendation and it's just like a lovely YA book. But I was thinking about it while you were talking and I'm a book whisperer I don't really think I am, but I wanted to say that I was a whisperer, so Tosen, what was your kink whispering?
Speaker 4:Yeah, tell me. Tell me anything. I want to know.
Speaker 1:I have a clarification question that I need. You mentioned that when you have an idea or a fantasy that you want to take into the bedroom and then you go to try to take it in the bedroom and then you said you can't implement it or what is happening in the can't implement.
Speaker 4:I guess if you were to just make it as simple as possible, like in reading it I get turned on, and implementing it in the bedroom, I'm not turned on.
Speaker 1:Got it, that's normal and reasonable. Is the thing that you were trying to implement a scenario or a sex act.
Speaker 4:Scenario.
Speaker 1:Okay, if you don't mind, can you tell me what the scenario was?
Speaker 4:I was like in a dressing room, about to go on stage, a guy comes in and I'm about to be like believing something, like I'm about to be in charge, and then he comes in and is in charge, but not in like any kind of like in a dominant.
Speaker 2:We're going to do this and we both like it way. He takes charge and leads the way.
Speaker 4:Yes, and I have an amazing partner who is so gracefully tried to do those things and in the moment it just doesn't translate to the physical things that reading does.
Speaker 1:Got it so that the umbrella that is called is a power exchange thing. Right, if you're reading it and enjoying it, you're viewing that the person who's the top of the dominant there as someone who has enough control of the situation that you're going to be safe. Fine, and they know pleasure you wise. And it sounds like you're slightly into dubious and reluctant consent, right, so the situation does not lead lend itself for, like, this is a sexy time thing. You're about to go on stage. This is not normally something like cars broken down. Yeah, this is not. This is not a situation that is sexy, but someone has come along that is, you know, in charge and you can feel that they desire you at the time and are correctly leading you to the point of where you do feel like having sex. Probably what is happening in the bedroom thing is that is a lot of responsibility and practice on the person who is the Dom at the time. So I am don't know your husband's kink history, but that might hear my two suggestions. Okay, you should literally write out like, make a script the whole nine yards of like what would be sexy One. The act of doing this is hot. So, like you know, it would be like, let's try this out.
Speaker 1:And, for example, one of the one of my partners that I have now that have been with for a while. We both come from religious trauma. We are turned on by religious kinks and I do broke bondage and so we spent a lot of time planning the scene to do this, where they're a nun and they're going to be sent to like a place to do a missionary place. That is very like all of this we wrote up together. It was like they're going to be sent to a place. That's like really hard and difficult. Hold on one second Before I continue. There are a couple of people here with religious trauma. Should I not tell this story?
Speaker 4:You can do. I'm fine, I'm good, I'm good.
Speaker 1:Definitely you good.
Speaker 5:I'm so good I'm listening. I'm just bringing my phone with me.
Speaker 1:So there are none. They're about to go into like a third world country where it's very dangerous to do that and they could be put in that situation. So they send me someone that doesn't qualify to be a pastor because of my history and sometimes I my urges are get the best of me and I go too far and but I'm sent to train these nuns because they're going to be put in situations that are like dangerous and difficult and they need to be to have the resolve to continue to serve God. We talked about this whole thing and the writing of it was like really good. And then, because we spent so much time talking about it and understanding the world we're going to be in and we're both performers and you're good with improvising and coming up with things in the scene and we knew the bounds so well, it was a lot easier to be like get to the feeling that we want.
Speaker 1:Because I think a lot of things that happen when you're trying to do role play stuff is, especially if you have a performance background, where it's like am I doing the performing well, which turns off? The sex brain is like as a worship leader, if I'm supposed to be doing something correctly. Performance wise. That's a whole different brain than the in the zone brain that comes from ultra calling and worshiping. So I have to pick the two. I'm either rehearsing the really hard number that this person is going to sing with the 35 chords that I don't know, or I am lost in the spirit. Right and role play sex is the same Right. If you go in a role play situation and you haven't practiced it and know it, your brain's doing chord math instead of being lost in it.
Speaker 4:I've never heard it spoken that way and that hits me in a way. I've never heard. Thank you, keep going.
Speaker 1:That's my suggestion, for the transfer is rehearse, and then you can play and have fun.
Speaker 2:But you rehearse enough to be able to yeah, like if it's like, if you write it like in duty says and it doesn't work the first time, don't give up and be like well, that didn't work, Like do it again in a week, do it again in a week until you're like comfortable with it, and it's not a thing that like makes you uncomfortable or feels weird, just like acting.
Speaker 6:Yes, Phoenix, that's exactly correct. The first time you tried to play a song, you did not play it well, right you. But you made it through and you learned something you have to keep practicing until your fingers get calluses on them.
Speaker 1:This is going to give me great joy to do, because I'm going to use a gospel song to describe you better play One of my favorite, one of the biggest lessons I had to learn about. So really enjoying your kinks is about the details. The same way, of difference between white Christian music and Pentecostal and Kojic music is right. So here's how great is our God in its most basic version. Is our God.
Speaker 4:Stephanie, this is what you know Is our God. Oh see how great, how great is our God, right.
Speaker 1:So in the kink relations that is saying, you know, I'm into the guy that knows what he wants, and he comes in and like it's dubious, and and then it's like a control that he's taken over, right, that's, it's big, it has the framework, it's the four chords, it's the right lyrics. But the difference between that and don't fight me, pedal, we're doing cool things right now the difference between how great is our God. How great is our God.
Speaker 1:Is all the same. Steps right and there's different. There's all types of things you can do for reharmonizing all that right Great.
Speaker 4:Is our God. Stay with me. We're going to stay right here Exactly.
Speaker 1:So all of those details that you've worked on in practice, like your whole zone system knows how to get to right. That's like, oh, you know, I know this turn, I know this, this feeling to get there. If you're not specific and you're trying to explain to a new musician all of that, right, if you tell them you know it's a one, six, four, five in D flat, that is not the same as like well, we actually do this breakdown, it's two, three, four into this fifth thing, and then we kind of vamp on this B flat thing.
Speaker 4:You need all of those Just like watch them and you're going to sit there and make it cut the drums.
Speaker 1:Or like watch this person, but like all of those details that you get for building, ultra calls for building, first services, things you have to do for role play things. You can't walk into a role play King situation and be like it's a one, four, six, one, six, four, five in D flat, not going to feel good. You got to be like we're going to do this breakdown here. The drums are going to stop in this corner over here and we're going to do that.
Speaker 4:That level of detail is required for y'all who don't know, it's okay, but for everyone who does, they're just crying right now and it's good, it's fine, it's good. Just this makes so much sense, if you know, if you know, you, know you know, mind blowing and amazing and I want to pay all of you like what I pay my therapist, because I've gotten more out of this hour than which reminds me, those of you that are enjoying this podcast offering, we do have a Patreon, a Patreon where you can patronize us for, for patronizing.
Speaker 1:That was the sexiest Patreon I'm like we have ever heard. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's a little renegade films on Patreon. You can also make a one time donation through the website at little renegadefilmscom, and your donation or patronage will go to producing more great podcasts and film art that you, such as talk dirty to me.
Speaker 6:Talk dirty to me which we're listening to right now, the movie worthy woman, which is about badass women in history being badass.
Speaker 2:Blood suckers, which is about vampires and Samurai and I breaking down vampire films, reviewing them and just being funny leads together. Also, we just got 2000 downloads on that this week and we are very happy about that You're celebrating. And such as blood sisters, which is a web series also about vampires. It will be released soon. Now back to your your regularly scheduled sex talk.
Speaker 5:And if any churches want us to come, we'll happily come and lead worship and talk to you about sex.
Speaker 4:Sozen, thank you. You have spoken in such a way that is so beautiful from someone from that world, of like non-threatening, non-pushing, like really just trying to make these connections in someone's brain, of like beautiful ways that they would understand from someone and I love Casey and I love ceremony. But I could see in their faces like y'all just don't. Y'all were like no.
Speaker 2:I was enjoying it, but it's okay that I wasn't on the same page.
Speaker 4:From someone from our world. What just happened is more than you know and is something that it's never spoken about and is something that is so perfect. That was dance in my underpants night, you know what I mean. Like experiencing a spiritual encounter, not in the church, and going holy, fuck this. I don't have to go to the altar to feel this feeling, and then that just starts the journey of implementing that into your life. And the way Tozen just said that is just so beautiful. Like expanding on that in other ways and just like using that feeling and not being afraid of that feeling because I think that's what a lot of people do is like, oh, if I think this is something that I feel in the church, I just have to shut it down. And then it shuts down their sexuality to shut down their brain and shuts down their spirit, their soul, and what he's saying is these are the same things. Guys, be okay with it, love it, push it, lean into that and know it's okay.
Speaker 2:Amen, amen. For everybody listening, phoenix Rhodes is a pseudonym. Her identity is concealed because of the experience she had with one of her siblings and her parents and I. I think that's an important story too. Would you, would it be okay to talk about that a little bit?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, sure. Um, my parents were in leadership at a church and I had a sibling make some decisions to be as vague as possible and and my parents were okay with those decisions and the church was not. It led to my parents being fired from their position at the church and and I think that also led to because it wasn't necessarily something completely sexual, but it was. That was kind of in there, but I think that also had a lot to do with my bringing up of like your actions not only affect yourself, but your actions could also impact the people who you count on to bring food to the house. What you do if, if they get fired Directly impacts your livelihood in a way that I don't think a lot of People in their teenage years exploring their sexuality necessarily has that kind of weight on them.
Speaker 4:But if something came out, my parents could potentially have gotten fired because of my sexual misconduct or my misconduct in general and, um, that was just like a whole nother level of yeah, that's like doubling down on like fear and like, oh, I can't yeah imagine both you and Stephanie have been it's.
Speaker 6:I don't know if Casey feels this way, but as someone who wasn't brought up in the, the church or in fundamentalism or in that level of oppression To me, when I hear you say something like I, I am scared of this Getting out. I'm like, oh, that's kind of that's weird. I respect Absolutely where you're coming from, but I can't sympathize with it at all. But when you illustrate it in that way, it's like the deep levels of Behavioral misconduct that has like real life, non-monitare, like not being able to bring like we couldn't buy groceries For a couple months, kind of thing.
Speaker 4:Like I needed new shoes and I couldn't. I didn't get a year Book when you're in high school because we didn't have the money.
Speaker 2:Like you sort of put like in perspective how ridiculous this is. If we can like remove this from the church permanent and be like it is no different than if I, as a young teenager, went out and had sex with somebody and the word got out and my dad that works at a technology company they found out in his. His boss at a technology company was like we don't like your daughter's behavior, you're fired. It's insane. That's basically what happened. It's unacceptable.
Speaker 4:Exactly what happened, and so I think, on top of all of the religious trauma, it also put this like incredibly more like Even if you do try to explore, you do things, you have to hide it, and I was always living a double life and I was always like compartmentalizing Different aspects of my life.
Speaker 4:And and to this point, the reason why I am still going under a pseudonym is I still respect people enough in my life, even though I've made choices to live a different way. I know the implications that words and actions have in that world, and I I do still respect them enough that I don't want to to infringe on their livelihood and potentially make them lose their job because of things that I have said, and so that's why I've chosen to Under under a pseudonym. The people in my life that are close to me know that I live my truth and I live my life and I'm open about it and I don't hide it. But it's just. I don't want um, it's not fair for the people that haven't chose that my walk To be impacted in a way so negatively.
Speaker 5:I think I think that's really beautiful and even though I I wasn't raised penicostal, I remember our baptist church. We had an interim preacher, which is when they removed the preacher they put a temporary For those who don't know Preacher in and we were. It was really vague, just kind of happened one Sunday and then it got out that the reason our preacher left, or was forced to leave, was because of something his child did. It had nothing to do with the. I mean, I guess you can't say it had nothing to do with the pastor, obviously.
Speaker 4:Your ability to pastor as if you can't even keep if you can't keep your household following these roles, then how are you going to teach other people and expect other people to follow those roles? So we just have to get rid of you.
Speaker 5:Don't cover your face. Phoenix rose. That was like I was such a joy it went by so quickly because it was you were.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for coming on and telling your story our goal on this podcast is to hopefully affect other people and to let them know that they're all alone and they're Experiencing the same thing as everyone else and that they're not broken and they're doing everything right. And your, your vagina and your dick it's functioning 100 perfectly.
Speaker 1:They both are, thank you and before you go, I also want to say thank you to you, phoenix, don't get, don't you cry tole Soon having that moment with you. I didn't, I had no idea who's even coming tonight. And that moment with you, like that worship leader connection and getting to talk about this specific thing, yield, 11 year old toasting, the 15 year old toast in a 20 year old toast, in that 26 year old toast in all at the same time, because it was like All, all of that, so that I could that very specifically get to that point with somebody else. It's truly worth it. So thank you for that moment in my life. I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 4:Thank you, but to people who grew up the way we did, that specific thing is like such a big thing and such something that we were taught we should strive for and build our lives to do and be in the epitome of like life's goals and um.
Speaker 2:to move past that is um Hard yeah, oh my god, this is amazing and I'm I'm gonna go ahead and messy mouth myself really quick, because it's been on my mind since I said it and if I offended anybody by saying that God is a reflection of who you are, I didn't mean that in a negative way at all, hopefully in just a way that allows you, like your idea of God, to change as you grow and change, and that it allows you to feel free and beautiful and at peace and empowered, like I hope. That's a god that everybody loves and has in their life.
Speaker 2:I it's so beautiful and the end.
Speaker 5:I, I, I love how that's what you took back, but not driving to every preacher's house and no, I'm gonna spank the fuck out of them.
Speaker 1:They're doing it anyway. In the horny part in the horny part of my life Been with a lot of church elders.
Speaker 6:I'd like to point out that I watched. I watched Stephanie play with her adorable kitty for, like I, I don't know how many minutes, but I didn't say a thing about it, and it was amazing. You did so good as MC.
Speaker 5:Keep him hidden. He was like meowing outside my door. Nope, I watched it.
Speaker 6:I watched the whole time, I was listening and I was, but I was also like Puring so loud I was like Look at look at Stephanie putting that pussy Right on camera.
Speaker 2:Camera. All right, beautiful people. Thank you so much for listening. Uh, we are little renegade films. This is talk turdy. To me this has been toast and awoo fesso. Sarah Marie Currie, stephanie's Phoenix Rhodes and Casey Sammy II tune in. Next time. Go and and I guess until next time be real sexy and love god.
Speaker 1:And the whole church there. I just want to make sure everybody goes home tonight. I'm feeling full and complete with everything that this podcast has given you. Make that the spirit guide you and leads you into the future and know that you are loved, wanted, needed and a dirty, dirty, dirty person. Bye.
Speaker 7:Talk dirty to me is a podcast by little renegade films. It stars Sarah Marie Currie, casey, sammy II Casey.
Speaker 6:No, why don't you? Oh, why don't I? Yeah, like you, remember how you read your synopsis. Yeah, oh, you want me to do like that.
Speaker 7:Yes, Okay, genius. Okay, talk dirty to me is a podcast by little renegade films. It stars Sarah, marie, currie, casey, sammy II, toast, alifaso and Stephanie's, with silent contributions by Taylor Novak. Title and closing themes by toast and Alifaso. Follow us on the social medias at talk dirty to me pod and for more of our offerings, go to little renegade filmscom. You.
